At the end of May, I wrote about mediums, psychics, and grief-topics that my friend Becky and I had been discussing quite a bit in the months since the death of her son and the approach of what should’ve been my second daughter’s seventh birthday. 

In the days after that column appeared, I received some interesting and thoughtful emails, a few of which I wanted to share.

“Too many people grieve themselves to death, and their loved ones would never want that,” wrote Cathy Graceson of South Charleston. “Instead of holding onto their grief, they should try to find ways to use their love for the person they lost into something that helps others.

“Just think of how much the Susan G. Komen movement has done, and it was all because of what Komen’s sister, Nancy, chose to do with her grief. It was respectful of her sister’s life and has done so much to enhance the battle against breast cancer. Because Nancy channeled her pain into a positive, she made her sister’s time on earth one that has become familiar to many.

“Instead of continuing to enhance the loss and grow the pain, we should try to use the experience to help others.”

Becky’s now trying to do just that, and has started a program in her son’s memory to help other children with glycogen storage disease. (To make a donation, visit http://www.joshuaconrad.org.) 

Several readers who asked that their names not be used shared stories about experiences they’d had that couldn’t be easily explained. Among them was one from a widow whose late husband continued to have such a presence even after his death that it became a common occurrence, when she went to a restaurant, for waiters to hand her a menu, then put one at the at the empty seat across from or beside her, as if someone was sitting there, too.

“When I’d tell them I was alone, they’d do a double-take, realize the chair was empty, and then apologize profusely, often swearing they’d seen someone there. A few even crossed themselves, which I found especially amusing since self-crossing was something he almost obsessively did.

“People used to describe Frank as being ‘larger than life,’” she said. “I guess he’s larger than death, too.”

My favorite email, though, came from Barbara Postlethwait of Hurricane, and I doubt I’ll ever receive a gift like the Barbara gave me in the last lines of her note.

“This letter is a long time coming, and I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to write it. Every time I read about you and Camille, I’ve wanted to thank you for sharing her story.

“My sister, Rosemary Sauzer, was just starting chemo and radiation when we read about it [Camille being diagnosed with spinal muscular atrophy] in the paper. Rosemary had metastasized to colon cancer and she was waiting to have a treatment in the cancer area at Thomas Hospital when she read your column and said to me, ‘If this sweet little baby girl can handle treatments and pain, then I can, too.’

“Rosemary was mentally handicapped. She was 49 but with the mind of a 10-year-old, yet she absolutely LOVED to read. She couldn’t comprehend a lot of what she read, but she still loved reading. It was something our Mother encouraged us to do when we were young and it stayed with her.

“Rosemary had treatments for many months, but nothing seemed to help. Every time she was in pain or frustrated, she would say to me, ‘Camille did it, so I can, too.’

“Sometimes she would ask me if, when she died, I thought she might meet Camille, and of course I told her yes.  I told her that they’d probably become best friends, and she would always smile when I said that and say, ‘Maybe I can take her for a ride on my bicycle.’ Rosemary loved riding her bike.

“When I read the article in the paper about Camille’s birthday [Camille would've turned 7 on June 1], I knew I had to write and thank you for sharing her story then and now, and to let you know what a difference Camille made in my sister’s life and how she dealt with her cancer.

“Two days before Rosemary died in 2004, she told me she was going to see Mom and the little girl, Camille. I’m positive the two of them are riding on Rosie’s bike right now, with Camille on the handlebars.” 

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